The Investigative Report into some unexplained Xtra-Terrestrial Lunar-tic sightings.
After some reports of some strange un-identified lights hovering about the Centurion Area last Thursday night. We first thought it had to do with the predictions of extreme cold that had most normal folk under lock-down… but on such a crisp night, there is a surreal clarity in the air. And then a surge of events that lead to a sudden raise in the surburbia’s core temperature. We dug deep into the hearts of the some “anything but ordinary” folk to get some answers….
Catching up with The LEGENDARY O.G. (Oupa Gerrit) who is on his way to the S.A. Duathlon champs to get his thoughts on the matter… from a distant smiling eyes he muttered….
“It was supposed to be cold, but it was not. Perhaps the fireballs had something to do with that, but even before the fireballs we were feeling somewhat overdressed.
On the night of June 9, six old hand riders were getting ready for an epic ride, if the status message from Carine Cat-I could be believed. There was a fair gender representation, in fact a fifty-fifty one; on that aspect we scored well. As the numbers were on the low side, trailmeister Hardy decided on a mostly urban bash and that turned out to be a really enjoyable ride. Perhaps the fireballs had something to do with that as well.”
So, we weren’t entirely sure what to make of that and let O.G. focus on his S.A. champs and decided to ask the “Carine Cat-I” he referred to. Now here’s a person that holds the Mountains to Mountain Biking.. whether riding the Mountain Kingdom of Lesotho or in the shadow of Everest in the Himalayas… she’s been there ridden that…
We were at the ruins at the end of the world when we noticed it first. We rode on some tar & pavements to get there. Hardy was in big blade, cos he broke the middle one just as we left the moo mall. He lead us down VO2 max, more pavements, then some sweet ancient singletrack that reminded of a previous life when the rides started from the old D&D centre.
The bottom of end-of-the-world was gnarly. At the top Hardy took a bearing and The Mummy lead us through the veld straight to the ruins. There we took some pictures & solved the world’s problems. 42. That’s the easy bit.
The hard part was keeping a straight face while drinking the liquid fireballs.” – Quoted Carine Cat-I…
Fireballs…ruins… the plot thickens… 42 what ?…. we will have to dig further to get a the full story… Time to track down the one the call “The Mummy”… nope… we did not have to find a pyramid… we just got to catch up to him for a few seconds … if this legend isn’t conquering expeditions, rock climbing, then he is extreme trail running on volcanic islands with lava spewing in the dark…. his commentary about the nights strange events went along the lines of….
“I found myself in a dark field at the only ruin at the old end of the world drinking liquid fireball on a thursday night, and at that moment i think the whole of pretoria’s temperature rose by a few degrees.
This liquid fireball stuff is quite potent, if you take a sip you must go Bhahaa. We came to all sorts of conclusions about the earth the universe and everything else. I started to get extremely hot and started taking off my leg warmers, scarf and vaguely remember me saying something under the influence about taking off my clothes and cycling away. So, our old end of the world singletrack is not the same anymore, but the ruin is a great place to have liquid fireball. Now we must just find the new end of the world…..”
It took some more interrogation of “the Mummy” who is on his way to some Mont Blanc / Alp mountain run.. eventually we got a lead on the one known as D1. D1 the brainiac did the Epic, Bull, Swazi, YstervARk’s and just keeps on conquering and looking for more challenges….
D1 said :
“You shake my chills and you rattle my brain…
I’m really cold but is sure is fun…
You broke my chills,
oH what a thrilL,..
goodness gracious GREAT balls of fire!!
with this song in my head I went to work on Friday morning…dearly missing some fireball liquid to warm my chills….the time spend at the ruins laughing our glowing tummies sore seriously RUINED my depro mood about work work work and no play….
It started with shall we or shall we not….but as soon as all six of us lined up…it was a mission "go" shining like a batman call going out to all DnD’ers out there!
This call was repeated and reports are showing SIX glowing tummies around 9 in the Pierre van Ryneveld VELD…. No extra-terrestrial activities, just 6 brave souls defining the norm for NORMAL…. the old normal was overrated….
I can’t remember….secrecy…did we swear to secrecy? Mummy man getting the feeling to dress (down)…for (the) success (of cooling down)…or was that agreement burnt out of existence with some FIRE …no ice?
Hardy…any idea what REALLY went on out there…..?” – asked D1
Well folks I don’t know about you but think there has been some serious alien activity happening…. So, we still trying to track this hardy dude…. he seems to be missing in action…
We did track down his FAR BETTER half known as “q.t.” … … whether its swimming with schools of black tip reef sharks, paddling 4m swells off the coast of new Zealand, hand feeding Rhino’s or roosting up a storm on her MX.. she is there full throttle!!!! She was tough though and did not give out much info, however after a body search we did locate the design plans for the legendary Nuclear Liquid Fireball …. (kids do not try this at home)
· 1x 750ml Tall Horse Merlot
· 250ml water
· 250ml brown sugar
· 100ml lemon juice
· 20 cloves
· 5ml cinnamon
· 2x sticks of cinnamon
· 5ml of cayenne pepper
Boil ingredients together for about 10mins.
Strain into 2litre flask. Pack 2litre flask and polystyrene cups into Hardy back pack.
Ride MTB with six genuine hard-core, salt of the earth DnD riders.
Search for ruin on top of end of the world…
Pour six half cups of liquid fireball into six polystyrene cups
Serve to six genuine hard-core salt of the earth DnD riders
Observe and take photos.
Put fire in bellies out with milkshakes at Spur.”
Dear Readers I don’t know about you but I am more confused now than when we started, but I am only sure of is that something “extraordinary” took place out there. And tracking down the hardy who’s limited comment included the smiling surfer accent phrase….. “Dude!……DUDE!!!! It was AWESOME Man!!!!! Totally!!!”
So it looks like the only way we will really get an answers is to get out there into the field…. going undercover for D&D reporting live… c Ya Thurday night..